Adrian Goodall Associates sponsors the Salisbury Playhouse

Adrian Goodall Associates is delighted to be a Corporate Associate sponsor of the excellent Salisbury Playhouse for 2011/12.

Adrian Goodall says: “For the past two years we have supported the theatre through it’s ‘Show Business’ scheme and last year we won the draw to be the primary sponsor for one of the theatre’s main productions, Somerset Maugham’s ‘The Constant Wife’.”

“Supporting the Playhouse is a great idea – I believe it’s fundamentally important for people to be able to come together to create and enjoy live entertainment – music, comedy and theatre – especially when life in the ‘real world’ is so challenging. There are many benefits: it’s stimulating, uplifting, brings creativity, an opportunity to develop confidence, and provides a space to make different connections and new ideas. The Salisbury Playhouse leads the way in providing all of this in our Wiltshire community, to an astonishingly high standard.”

“In winning the ‘Show Business’ draw last year, I was lucky to represent all the local businesses who support the Playhouse. And I also had the opportunity to entertain clients and contacts at my sponsored show – ‘The Constant Wife’. It was a brilliant production and I had excellent professional support from the Playhouse team throughout. All in all, a great experience and a pleasure to work with such a high-profile, professional and important business in our local community.”

On Tuesday 13th September, Adrian will draw a card out of the hat to find out who, out of 28 local businesses, will win this year’s ‘Show Business’ draw.

For more information on the Salisbury Playhouse, please follow this link.

Midlife options

According to a study publishes in 2008 by the University of Warwick and Dartmouth College in the USA, the risk of depression peaks at the age of 44 yrs old.

And, as Carl Jung said: “[people] seek position, marriage, reputation, outward success or money, and remain unhappy .. even when they have attained what they were seeking.”

What have I achieved? What is there to look forward to?

Finding that you start to doubt yourself and try to ‘rediscover’ your youth in mid-life is often described as a ‘crisis’. For many, it’s a bit of a joke – and then embarrassing when you realise that’s exactly what’s happening to you, where you are. And then it’s not a joke, and it can become a cause of strife and depression.

But perhaps it’s absolutely normal for men and women to feel more vulnerable as the ego which has driven us successfully through the first half of life begins to step back and allow our undiscovered, more reflective, ‘Self’ to wake up.

And perhaps we should look at it as a natural and wonderful opportunity to learn, rebalance and grow to fulfill a wider and wiser role in society and for humanity.

For some, there may need to be medical support and counselling or therapy. But for most, life coaching can provide a supportive and confidential opportunity for you to welcome and explore this change, identify resources which can lead you through the storm and, indeed, harness its energy for the second half of your life.

Often it’s helpful to put ourselves in a new space to help us reconnect with our courage and passion. That space can be virtual – created for example in a coaching relationship – or a physical change of scenery, some walking or cycling for example, or a retreat.

It’s important to remember that you can make a choice to move on, accept what’s happening and learn from it, and develop and change, and probably be stronger in many ways.

Reconnecting

Last week I enjoyed an excellent lunch with an old school friend. We hadn’t met in over 30 years and it was amazing how quickly and easily we were able to share memories, journeys and hopes. The previous week I’d met up with another group of old business colleagues at a reunion dinner and a similar thing happened. How good it is to reconnect with old friends.

And it got me thinking about what’s happening there – we’re not just connecting with those people but also with something of ourselves, from many years ago. There’s a risk that this can take you back to a ‘memory lane’ you’d rather not go down, but mostly it is a welcome reminder and reintegration of the experiences and resources which have got you to where you are now – and which can help to move you further forward.

We’re also reconnecting with places and environments – the context of your life and work may now be different but there’s a constancy in your ‘mental maps’ from those older places. The juxtaposition can allow new perspectives and nuances of understanding around today’s world to emerge – great for problem solving.

Sometimes we can put ourselves in a new space to help us reconnect with our courage and passion – if some of that’s gone missing and we need it to take on new challenges. That space can be virtual, created for example in a coaching relationship, or a physical change of scenery, or a retreat (like the award-winning Witherden’s Hall).

Reconnection isn’t always comfortable. There’s a balance between the fear of discomfort and the risk of not connecting – what opportunities might be lost – business, knowledge, friendship? Will you sidestep the challenge?

And what determines success? Rather than disappointing with ‘premature expectation’, perhaps we can let what wants to happen, happen. And be prepared to take any opportunities which arise.

Can we put a value on all that’s possible through reconnection? Not really. But I do know that being accepted by others – being worthy of connection – is such a core human need, that it’s hugely powerful, and priceless. And that works both ways.

Go on. Reconnect. You might find resourceful parts of yourself, new ideas from old places, courage, self-worth and opportunities. All pretty useful, whatever business or other challenges you’re taking on.

Two simple questions that can make a difference

Words and phrases have different meanings and associations for different people. This can have a big impact on how effectively you communicate – and understand others.

For example, take just one word: Sharp…

…as a knife. The pleasure of a freshly-sharpened steel blade as it cuts into a bright red, vine-ripened tomato, silently slicing the cool, firm skin as you prepare a summer salad, with spring onions, herbs and olive oil.

Or perhaps a sharp glinting knife in a terrifying night-time fight, or a metaphorical knife cutting costs in a struggling business, or (keeping it topical) a Government department budget.

sharp as a knife - but a real one, or a metaphorical one in the hands of the Exchequor?

Sharp… as an axe, a weapon, or a garden tool for chopping firewood. Or the axe which is swung in a strategic reorganisation. Sharp… as a pin. Painful. Useful for removing splinters, or pinning things down to provide structure, or on a notice board, offering flexibility.

sharp as an axe for winter fuel, or business strategy?

Sharp… as a lemon – eye-watering, and also a tangy freshness. Sharp… as a fish-wife’s tongue, cruel and hurtful, and making things happen. Or as Oscar Wilde’s wit – evanescent words with such influence and power. Or sharp intellect, to spur meaningful debate, or give sharp focus in decision making and strategy.

which metaphor might spring to mind for your audience when you use the word 'sharp'?

That’s just a few different meanings and metaphors coming from one word. And we’ll all have our own interpretations, images and reactions to that wood-chopping axe, the lashing tongue or the witty riposte. As you can see, it’s pretty easy to have both positive and negative interpretations.

Having a better understanding of what other people mean when they use particular words and metaphors, and helping others to have a better understanding of what you mean, can make a huge difference at work and in life.

This is true whether you’re the leader of a business unit, or organisation, or a team working on a project – or a member of that team, or an individual in a relationship.

Just a couple of simple questions can help you work out what someone means or wants, if you’re prepared to listen. The secret is not to interfere with or immediately interpret how they think of something, but to explore it. For example, if your colleague says “I can’t do that, I’m really busy today”, rather than saying “Yeah I know what you mean, I’m just swamped!” and both of you spiralling into stress mode, you could ask “Oh OK, what kind of busy is that?”. “Well, I’ve got a bunch of emails to deal with and a big meeting this afternoon and I’ve got to prepare for that, and I’ve got to pick up some forms from the Post Office..” – already you have a lot more information about what ‘busy’ means for them – and perhaps how you might be able to help or be valuable to them today, or just wait until tomorrow.

if you're prepared to listen, just 2 simple questions can give you a lot of information

If they seem OK to continue talking, you could ask “And is there anything else about that big meeting?” – “Well everyone involved in project X is going to be there and I’m supposed to make a presentation” – “Oh, what kind of presentation is that?” – and so on…

And you can use this process in reverse too, for example, preparing for a meeting or presentation where you’re keen to get your message across – use metaphors and develop them with these questions, to help your audience connect even more effectively with what you want them to understand.

help your friends, colleagues, clients to understand your message

The two questions above – what kind of? and is there anything else about? – are the first steps of Clean Language – a technique developed by the late New Zealand psychotherapist, David Grove, and now found in many different areas, including coaching – and even in general conversation if you want to open things up in a more interesting way (though be careful not to be too intrusive!). There’s also another whole, linked, area called Emergent Knowledge. Lots of fascinating and powerful stuff. For me, it’s a core element of my work. There are some links below, if you’d like to find out more.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy your work!
(and what kind of enjoy is that?)
Adrian

Links:
The Clean Collection – Penny Tomkins and James Lawley originally modelled David Grove’s techniques to create Symbolic Modelling.
Clean Coaching – Angela Dunbar works closely with Carol Wilson and provides teleclass-based learning which is where I have done most of my learning in Clean Language and Emergent Knowledge.
Clean Change Company – Wendy Sullivan’s Clean site.
The Powers of Six – Philip Harland and Matthew Hudson’s site focusing on Emergent Knowledge.
X-Ray Listening – Judy Rees’s Clean-focused site.
An article in this month’s Coaching at Work magazine (available if you’re a subscriber)

Strengths in tough times

I’ve always had a soft spot for ants, ever since I used to gaze for hours at their industrious, community efforts to rebuild the nests I had unearthed as a curious young lad. Such a seemingly insignificant creature capable of extraordinary feats.

Ants - little, but amazing!

So I was delighted to see the ant recognised for its amazing strength and extraordinary feet (sic) in the recent Biotechnology and Biological Sciences Research Council science photo competition: click here for the Telegraph’s report.

And human beings are also capable of great feats – astronauts visiting the moon, musicians captivating audiences, soldiers recovering from massive injuries to be an inspiration to others – and well done Amy Williams on her tiny skeleton bobsleigh at the Winter Olympics! What great courage, resolve and skill it must take to beat the world in such a hair-raising way. Click here to go to her website. I notice that Amy has both an ‘ice’ coach and a ‘strength and conditioning’ coach.

We can’t all win the skeleton bob, but we can all find ‘strength and conditioning’ to get us through tough times – and maybe even find greater fulfilment – as the economy continues to swirl ominously, like a dark, snow-laden sky, through 2010 and beyond.

Call me Mr Gloomy but, despite the encouraging spring weather, we’re not out of the economic woods yet.

Post-election, there are going to be some very tough decisions and actions to be taken in the UK. For many, this may be something for our ‘leaders’ to sort out – but I believe we can all choose to be leaders in our own systems. Like ants sorting out the nest.

So where can we find those strengths? Here are six I can think of for starters…

Strength in capabilities, skills and knowledge – from experience and continuing training and studying – be open to learning opportunities which present themselves and tackle some new books!

Strength in self-belief and clarity, to know where you are going and to keep going, to have confidence and deal with your doubts – giving yourself some space to step back and reflect, ask ‘what would I really like to have happen?’ and make a note of (don’t overlook!) all the varied capabilities you already have and things you have already done well.

Take a broader persective of what you want, what you can do and who can help you

Strength from others – who is in your ‘systems’? Workplace, friends, family… I was delighted to have the origins of the word ‘conversation’ pointed out to me (and others at the Association for Coaching conference) last week – coming from ‘with’ and ‘change’. And in the feedback system that is any conversation, we are indeed changing together with others. Being truly present when listening to and talking with colleagues, friends and family can be a huge source of energy, affirmation and new ideas.

Don't let your ego get in the way of finding support and learning lessons

Strength from external ‘others’ – people who are not in your normal systems – professional advisers, teachers, consultants, counsellors and coaches – like Amy Williams’s strength and conditioning coach – who can bring different perspectives, approaches, processes, thoughts, awareness and supportive challenge to bring out your strengths. Perhaps a bit like jump starting your car battery when it’s run a bit flat…

Strength from ‘failure’ – this is one of the richest sources of learning if you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to admit that maybe you’re not always right and it isn’t everyone else’s fault! It’s like being prepared to fall off your bike – when you were learning like a child, prepared to make mistakes, learn lessons and adjust what you do accordingly, then you were probably learning at your best! So take care to notice what’s happening and what is your role in that – and how you can change it.

Strength from parts of yourself you might overlook – those irritating ‘gremlins’ that pop up and nag or criticise or undermine you. Bastards! Or are they? How about being courageous and asking those voices what it is they want to have happen? The chances are it’ll be something constructive for you, even if it is uncomfortable. And maybe there is something you can do differently that will take you a step or two towards that. By accepting the legitimacy of the gremlins, there’s a chance you can combine your internal strengths, rather than have them fighting each other!

Here to help you!

And what could stymie all of the above? I’ll have a wild guess at… your ego!

Well I hope that’s been a useful read for you. Do let me know what other sources of strength you call on.

Thank you. Enjoy the Spring

Same old, same old, or differently? – in the City.

In the City, conversations about bonuses at this year end will certainly be different. No doubt ingenious ways to dodge the extra tax will be found for those people deemed worthy of exceptionally large ‘compensation’ packages. Perhaps this will include more deferral and equity, but essentially it is the same old corporate financial reward system which bears little relation to either the reality of entrepreneurial risk, or to genuine, sustainable motivation of those involved. The clue is in the very term ‘compensation’! For what – being a banker?

It’s possible that the City faces a tectonic upheaval in its operating conditions, as has been seen in, for example, the music business in recent years, or in Western industrial manufacturing in recent decades, or agriculture many years before that. History is littered with massive change. What could be the big shock to cause such a thing in finance – Government regulation?; increased competition for lower levels of business driving down returns?; a velvet revolution from issuers and investors fed up with excessive fee levels?; a drain of talented people who can no longer hold their head up with pride in public?

Who knows. But if it does happen, it appears likely that, seemingly lacking any sense of humility for the catastrophic events of the past couple of years, or connection with the rest of the economy or society, the rainmakers in the City who are entrenched in the bonus culture won’t know until it’s too late.

Or they could start to think differently: perhaps they could explore other ways to motivate and retain key talent (like many other businesses do) – supporting achievement, responsibility, recognition and growth for what they are, rather than being determined by commission. It’s a lot cheaper, and quite possibly a lot better!

Aloneness; Accepting – WisdomDice 11/11/09

i) what do I know at this time, now, about…
Aloneness: I am lucky to be feeling very connected with others today
Accepting: When I feel good I am more accepting
ii) And what else do I know about…
Aloneness: There will be many people feeling alone (esp today, 11/11)
Accepting: When I feel good I am more accepting – but is that superficial? what would test that?
iii) And what else do I know about…
Aloneness: Individuality/sense of uniqueness can make you feel more alone
Accepting: How do I typically react to aggression?
iv) And what else do I know about…
Aloneness: The comfort of commonality
Accepting: I step back but I’m not unassertive
v) And what else do I know about…
Aloneness: There is a role of the ‘system’ in providing connection/comfort
Accepting: By stepping back I can ask, what is the cause/intention of that behaviour? and by not being unassertive I can at the same time provide feedback
vi) And what else do I know about…
Aloneness: If the ‘wisdom of the system’ is a perceptual position, can we 2nd position the ‘universe’?
Accepting: Empathy and Presence
+i) And what do I know now about…
Aloneness: Developing the ‘skills’ for taking perceptual positions can help with aloneness
Accepting: When I feel good I have more capacity for empathy and presence
+ii) And what difference does that knowing make…
Aloneness: When working with individuality/uniqueness with clients, perhaps also check with/do some 2nd/3rd positioning
Accepting: I can be aware of my own state so that if there is a particular need to exercise empathy and presence (perhaps in dealing with aggression?) then I may nee to improve my mood/manage my state in some way – (perhaps allow my 5yr old child out some more?)

Judgement & Noticing (WisdomDice)

i) what do I know at this time, now, about…
Judgement: It’s not helpful to judge people.
Noticing: makes life so interesting!
ii) And what else do I know about…
Judgement: ..but it’s very powerful.
Noticing: is special for others.
iii) And what else do I know about…
Judgement: it’s inevitable – we have to judge.
Noticing: can also be intrusive.
iv) And what else do I know about…
Judgement: is risk management – we have to judge to protect, and also to see opportunity.
Noticing: my judgement is important re what is special vs what is intrusive.
v) And what else do I know about…
Judgement: it’s about managing defensiveness.
Noticing: what impact do my defensiveness filters have on my judgement?
vi) And what else do I know about…
Judgement: don’t be too internally focused – engage with the world to rebalance.
Noticing: it’s about contracting as well as judging.
+i) And what do I know now about…
Judgement: it’s fundamental – and so is the defensive-engagement balance.
Noticing: seeking permission beyond ‘superficial’ noticing with others
+ii) And what difference does that knowing make…
Judgement: Don’t avoid judgement, but notice if it’s defensive, and what purpose that serves.
Noticing: Be aware of ‘uncontracted’ coaching/noticing with others

Aloneness and Freedom

i) what do I know at this time, now, about…
Aloneness: It’s tough working on your own.
Freedom: It’s free working on your own.
ii) And what else do I know about…
Aloneness: It’s my choice whether I’m alone or not.
Freedom: I can be creative and make a difference.
iii) And what else do I know about…
Aloneness: Sometimes aloneness is necessary for me.
Freedom: My creativity only makes a difference if I interact with others.
iv) And what else do I know about…
Aloneness: Aloneness tests my character more than when I’m with others.
Freedom: I am free to choose with whom I interact.
v) And what else do I know about…
Aloneness: What is it I want to test?
Freedom: It’s my choice how I interact with others.
vi) And what else do I know about…
Aloneness: Resilience and Independence are important.
Freedom: I can be more deliberate about that choosing.
+i) And what do I know now about…
Aloneness: I can be more resilient and independent if I don’t beat myself up.
Freedom: Be aware of ‘soft’ behaviours re interacting.
+ii) And what difference does that knowing make…
Aloneness: When I am more resilient, I can be a better leader.
Freedom: More actively separate business and social interaction

WisdomDice – update

This is an update on an earlier blog with some extra thinking and ‘how to’ use them…
* Conversations usually stay at a superficial level, often appropriately. But maybe life can be richer with more understanding and learning if some of that chat time with other people was spent exploring more challenging/meaningful subjects.
With a little help from a couple of books I have read (see below) and some thinking time in the bath, I came up with an idea for randomly stimulating deeper conversations: WisdomDice -one with 6 challenging concepts, the other more aspirational. It’s important to use both at once, and whatever two subjects come up, that’s what you have to include in your conversation. Simple. You can give yourself time limits if you want and then roll the dice again!
Why not give it a go – I’d love to hear how it goes!
(Perhaps you could buy 2 sets of dice of different colours, say red and white, and then take one of each, and give the other mixed pair to a good friend. Number the subjects below 1-6 in a notebook or in your ‘organiser’, so if you throw a 1 on red it would say Meaninglessness, whilst a 4 on white would say Freedom… do you get the drift?)
Here are my suggestions for what to put on the dice:
1. Meaninglessness; Complicity; Aloneness; Death; Expertise; Judgement
2. Uniqueness; Belonging; Purpose; Freedom; Accepting; Noticing
Books:
‘Love’s Executioner and other tales of Psychotherapy’ – Irvin Yalom
‘The Dice Man’ – Luke Rhinehart
** Further re the dice – my rule is that they have to be used together so you can’t use just the ‘challenging’ one or the ‘aspirational’ one. The idea behind that is that the aspirational ones provide ‘lift’ to help counteract the ‘heaviness’ of the challenging ones. You may choose a different metaphor system to think about the qualities of the dice and subjects!
Freedom was originally going to be on the ‘heavy’ die! Irvin Yalom talks of four key areas usually driving a need for psychotherapy: death, existential loneliness, meaninglessness of life, and freedom. You’ll notice the first three already on the ‘heavy’ die – and I substituted ‘complicity’ for freedom. The challenge of freedom is about the challenge of decisions – if you are free to make a decision, then you are free to ‘kill’ other options, so true freedom is inexorably linked with grief (for what could have been). But I think most people will see freedom as positive, so I wanted an ‘opposite’… Complicity for me means falling into line whether you like it or not, ie not exercising freedom, and for me, is the root of evils like the Final Solution, or the massive inflation of asset values through financial derivatives…
Again for me, the opposites of death, meaninglessness and aloneness are uniqueness (we are special and therefore worth being alive), purpose and belonging. Which left me with 2 sides to fill on each die.
I find one of the most corrosive of concepts for individuals and their self-belief is ‘being an expert’ – how limiting is that!? There’s nothing left to learn, and then you’re always comparing yourself with everyone else to check you’re still an expert. Many would find it surprising to see that on the heavy die. Its opposite could be noticing, in a mindful sense.
Finally, judgement, expert’s terrible twin, the packing tape which seals tight the box into which we can be tempted to put ourselves! How much better it is to accept what could be?
But these are my takes on the words – yours will be different. Enjoy.

*** Further, further… WisdomDice on your own!
Perhaps every day? Or once a week?
Here, I suggest combining it with one of the most powerful & clean self-emergent thinking processes, the Power of Six (from David Grove’s work, see also Philip Harland’s excellent book, The Power of Six: A Six Part Guide to Self-Knowledge, advance copies available now at www.powersofsix.com and http://www.amazon.com/Power-Six-Part-Guide-Knowledge/dp/1448647800/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255623526&sr=1-2).

Throw the dice:
Taking each die/word in turn, ask yourself, ‘What do I know about that?’
And then for each die/word, ‘What else do I know about that?’, five times.
Then ask, ‘and what do I know now?’
And then ‘and what difference does that knowing make?’

It will take a few minutes. But could make the rest of the day much richer.